he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
