fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
