two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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