Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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