your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
