What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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