Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
