Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
