Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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