I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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