think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
