my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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