So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
