Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
