Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
