She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
