We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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