so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
