he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
