that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
