I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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