Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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