As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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