At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We are all done wearing pants today
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
