dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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