There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
