I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
