"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i think my cat just said my name.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
