i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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