He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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