She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
