dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
