im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
