i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
