I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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