it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
