i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
