the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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