I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
