3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
