you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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