Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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