the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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