Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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