Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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