Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
