I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
