i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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