we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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