I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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