what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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